Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
