What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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