When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize