I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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