Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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