I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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