I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
