i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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