hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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