i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
