I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
