Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
