I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
