Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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