so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
