I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
