I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize