i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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