She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
