dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
