Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Operation Purity has been aborted
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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