Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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