Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
