I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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