I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
