i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Quick, to the slutcave!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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