How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize