Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
