Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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