you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
