whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
