I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
