moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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