Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
