My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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