I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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