i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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