He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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