I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
