Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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