Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn thatβs hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize