You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
