using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
