It's like God shit irony all over that family
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
