So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
