If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
