He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
