Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
