My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
