Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
