i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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