dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
