She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
