I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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