her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
