i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The power of my boobs compel you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
