ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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