I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
