smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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