Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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