I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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