ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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