And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
