im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
