she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
