all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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