You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
