I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
third nipple confirmed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
