My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
