I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
