am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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